How to Choose a Wife | A Love Letter to my Sons


I am your mother. Next to God, I love you more than anyone possibly could. I also know you better than anyone possibly could. Based on your personality and temperament, I have a pretty good sense of what will be good for you and what you should try to avoid in this life. Like many mothers, I have a vision for you and what your life has the potential of being.

Having said that, I know that I’m not in control of what happens in your life but based on my knowledge of you, my understanding of human nature coupled with my personal experiences, I’d like to offer you some advice on choosing a wife.

How to Choose a Wife | A Love Letter to my Sons


It’s important that you think about these things now, as you grow and learn about people, because it’s easy to fall in love but it’s wiser to fall in love with someone who is a good fit for you. I’m not suggesting that finding the right person will give you an easy life but marrying the wrong person will certainly cause you grief and keep you from living your life to your fullest potential.

Finding a good woman to marry is not easy but finding her is worth more than legos and video games. You’ll be able to trust her with all your feelings and thoughts and that alone means you will have everything you will ever need.  You’ll be able to depend on her because you know she will do her best to not let you down.

Look for a woman who actually likes who you are and doesn’t try to change you into something else. This way you will know that she will enjoy you and have good intentions towards you every day of her life.

Find a woman who is resourceful and a self-starter. This will keep her mind thinking about how to create an atmosphere that will make life more enjoyable. Idle hands are the devil’s playground and a woman with few hobbies or nothing meaningful to immerse herself in can get herself (and potentially you) into trouble quickly.

Look for a woman with a sense of adventure.  Whether it’s cooking meals from faraway places or being open to traveling, her willingness to experience new things will keep life fun.

A hard working woman is better than a lazy woman. This is the type of girl who gets up early enough to prepare herself for the day ahead. This means she eats a proper breakfast, not pop tarts and mountain dew. And because she has had time to prepare, she doesn’t have to put make-up on in the rear view mirror of her car. She takes good care of her body, keeping herself physically fit and mentally strong. This will keep her energetic so she can do the work she needs to do with a happy heart.

The woman you marry should also be wise and be able to think things through. An intelligent woman will not make a decision before she has all the information she needs and a well-considered plan. This kind of woman is eager to learn so she can properly take care of the things that are important to her and her family.

Because she knows the value of her hard work, she uses her money wisely and invests in things that are useful and have the potential to make more money. She may even use her resourcefulness and her wisdom to develop a business after having evaluated a good opportunity.

A wise woman knows the difference between “a want” and “a need”. She will not waste hard earned money on things that ultimately have no real value or significance. Because she is wise with her money, she will be able to give generously to the poor and will be available to help people who are in need. She is not filled up by the “things” of this world but by the love she gives and receives as well as the difference she is making in people’s lives.

When hard times hit (and they will because that is life) she will not worry because she is prepared. She knows how to save and makes sure the house is in order in case of an emergency. Because of her preparedness, no one will be without. Together you will weather the storm.

Keep in mind that the woman you marry will also be a reflection of you and the choices you’ve made. Find a woman you can be proud of, a woman who knows how to carry herself and won’t embarrass you in social and business situations.

Find a woman who doesn’t dress herself with the intention of attracting attention. What people should notice about her is that she is covered in confidence and dignity. When she speaks she should have something worthwhile to say, and she should have the personality to say it kindly. People will respect the fact that she is not selfish and that she inspires others to be their best.

A woman worth marrying will be secure enough to share her thoughts and feelings about family matters but will ultimately support your decisions, as head of the house, in ways that show her respect for Christ. This, of course, will be easy for her to do if you are also seeking Godly wisdom as you lead your family.

The woman you marry should take such good care of your family, that your children will say good things about her and not have a disdain for her or the way she runs the house. You might even be tempted to brag about her because you will quickly learn that while there are many good women out there, you chose to marry the best one.

Instead of bragging, encourage her by praising her in public because she will deserve everyone’s respect. Being a woman is not easy so when you are in the privacy of your own home, be sure to give her credit and acknowledge all she does.

I know this may seem like a lot to remember but it all boils down to this: as you go through life and find yourself attracted to a particular girl, remember that charm and beauty can fool you, but a woman who respects and honors God is worth getting to know.

No one is perfect, especially me. We all fall short of God’s glory. But with His strength, a woman who seeks God’s will can be strong, gentle, wise and kind at all the appropriate times.

I know right now, you just hope to marry someone who will love you like I do. And I’m deeply honored. But my sons, I want what is best for you and that is why I am giving you this advice to tuck into your heart. I will be praying as God prepares the women you will each marry someday. I will pray that He will prepare the right fit for you. And I will also pray that you have the eyes to see her when she crosses your path.

May God richly bless you, my beloved.

Love, Mom


  1. Lisa says

    I hope your son will have the wisdom to choose a wife who suits him and makes sure to affirm her when she doesn’t please you.

    • says

      Thanks Christina! That is the plan. From time to time we discuss various points mentioned in the post. My sons are currently 11 & 12 so I like to break it down as various topics come up in daily life. :)

  2. says

    This is absolutely beautiful! I think it is so wise that we teach our children about these things long before the time for them comes so that they are as prepared as possible.

    I wrote a letter to my son on his 16th birthday on my blog if you are interested in reading that.

    Thanks so much for sharing your heart with us today. Blessings.


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